what's going on.....

I knew when I was ready I would do this. And today, is the day.

It was the beginning of May when I found out I have rectal cancer. The good news would come later on when I'd find out that it was Stage 1. This was a huge hurdle.... an idea that I had to overcome. I have cancer. One word : Denial. I never knew how hard this would be to grasp. As a nurse, you think you're invincible. I admit, at times during patient care, I thought this could never be me. Yet, here I was, 4 days before my 38th birthday, getting diagnosed with a 'highly treatable' cancer. Geez....

I didn't want this post to be an "i'm pulling the cancer card" thing but this is MY little space I created on the internet. And something just didn't feel right about not sharing with everyone, the reality of what's going on behind the scenes. Currently I'm undergoing a combination of chemo and radiation. So far the bad days have been manageable but I hear it only gets worse.... Another geez. This is the time I suppose i'm thankful for sewing and my creative side. It's helped me process pain, depression, and discomfort. (Just that little moment of slipping away into the sewing room is healing.) So.... today's post, will be something of an 'awakening' rant. The things i'm grateful for and as sad as this sounds, the things that the big "C" has made me realize.

1. Hug and kiss your family multiple times a day. They are the only ones you've got so be good to them and thank them for being good to you. Sometimes, I think this is more painful for my family then it is for me. It saddens me that my daughters have had to grow up a little quicker, but I know that we'll be able to put it behind us one day.

2. No job is worth your stress or health... period. 

3. Thankful for my dear friends. The ones who've given me some of the best advice in the world. 

They made me feel like I could conquer anything!

4. I love my hair. So far, I haven't lost any. And my chances of losing it are small, hooray! But... my whole life, I hated and complained about how thick, curly, and frizzy my hair was. Sad, it took the possibility of loss to make me realize how beautiful it really is. 

5. Life is too short to be nice to rude people. Yes... you read that right. We always want to be " the bigger person ". No... no.... no.... Nowhere does it say in life that you have to be the bigger person. Sometimes it's best to send certain people off with a F--- you. 

6. Taking time for yourself is the most important thing you can do. As mothers, this may feel impossible certain days, but even that bath, or those 20 minutes to paint your nails could do wonders. In short, take care of yourself even if it means eating the last apple. 

7. Pay attention to your body... If something just doesn't feel right. It's probably not. The doctors said i've had this cancer in my body over a year. When I think back to my symptoms.. yes, they seem to have started 2 + years ago. Do not wait for a colonoscopy! I was supposed to have my first colonoscopy in 2 years...... yes at 40...Thank God I paid attention to my body. 

8. Don't lose your sense of humor ever. Laughter really is the souls medicine. I'm so grateful I still laugh even though my jokes have become a bit more disturbing....

9. Enjoy the sunrise and sunset everyday. Even if it is hidden behind the rain.

10. Be thankful for your ability to eat, smell, walk, touch, see, feel, breath, hear, go to the bathroom...etc, etc..... You never know how precious these things are until they get altered. 

Thanks for swinging by The Mint Needle today:) Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I don't feel so secretive. Because, Lord knows, a picture is worth a thousand words. And often, we don't associate suffering or sadness when you see pictures of pretty flowers, quilts, or paintings on Instagram. I'm still planning on keeping this a crafty site so by no means do not feel I am swaying out of the creative loop. As I said before, just a dose of reality is nice when everyone thinks things appear 'picture perfect'.

Happy trails to better days ~till next time friends:)